Make Yourself

My Girlfriend Is Hurting Herself

My Girlfriend Is Hurting Herself
I've been together with my GF for about 2 1/2 years. I madly love her and think she's absolutely gorgeous from both inside and outside. Things were just perfect until about 3 months ago.

I don't really know where to start from, but I'll try to make it as short and as clear as possible. My GF always was one of those girls who took a great care of her physical appearance: she likes feminine dresses, high-heeled shoes and wouldn't go buy groceries without putting on at least some basic make-up. She always has to look perfect and prettier than any other girl around, she even told me that herself. I think it has something to do with the fact she was born in one of the Eastern-European countries, where women are often very much into looks and feel like they have to almost "sell" themselves according to their looks (I live in Western Europe, and here women are much more emancipated, independent and care less about what others might think about them or their looks/clothing).

But I don't really mind that, because I see it as a big honour to be with somebody who makes a good effort to keep her good looks. She's 32, and looks (well, used to look) much younger than her age, and makes many of the native-born women in my country who are her age look old and plain.

She always have been very thin, but mostly looked healthy anyway. Sometimes she was dieting for shorter periods of time and came down to weight which was slightly too low for what I usually prefer on a woman, but still - it wasn't really to the point it was dangerous. She was often complaining that her hips are way too fat (while I think they're slim, feminine and absolutely beautiful!) and that she wants to drop 10-15 kilos, telling me that when she was in her early and mid 20s, she was extremely thin, and she would give everything for the possibility to become like that again. She even made it clear that she never will give birth, as she's afraid she might put on lots of weight during pregnancy, and her A-cup breasts would become larger. I still hoped one day she might change her opinion on that subject, but even if not - I could live without children, if that what will make her happy. But one day, she suddenly started to diet, and, unlike on her previous attempts - this time it looks like a serious thing!

She lost a lot of weight and no longer feels healthy. I can clearly see her ribs, and her hipbones are sticking out to the point it scares me. And I must admit: that massive weight drop made her look so much less attractive than she used to be just a few months before! Her face is all grey, she has dark circles under her eyes, and when without make-up - she looks like a woman in her 40s. But it's not looks as such, it's her halth condition that worries me the most! I once used to have a girlfriend who was very thin and was often mistaken for being anorexic, but she was 100% healthy and ate a lot, without putting on any weight at all. I wouldn't mind it if my GF was skin and bones, as soon as she would eat normally and feel well, but I can clearly see she's anything but healthy! She's feeling tired and weak all the time, lost her interest in sex and cries without any reason, and I hate seeing her like that!

I tried to talk to her, gently telling her that I don't like the way she abuses her body and health. I also tell her again and again how pretty she was when she had more meat on her. But I'm afraid my words are only encouraging her to lose more weight: when somebody tells her she's too thin/needs to gain weight - she takes it as a compliment and as an encouragement to become even thinner (although I can't imagine her getting any thinner: she's just skin and bones!). If I'll lie to her and tell her I think she looks fine now - that probably will be an even bigger disaster.

Sometimes I'm feeling desperate: she's literally killing herself, and I don't know if I can do anything to save her! I'm feeling like somebody who watches a disaster, without making an effort to stop it. I don't know if it's normal for a woman her age to do things like that (isn't it more suitable for girls in their early teens? She's 32, for Christ's sake, many of women her age already have children and careers, while she's so obsessed over looks and thinness that she's not afraid to die for the sake of it!). I love her a lot and will love her, no matter if she'll be extremely skinny or obese, but sometimes I doubt it she loves me. Otherwise, she would understand her behaviour hurting me a lot.

And in case anybody would ask: no, I never said in front of her I'm only attracted to very thin girls, neither did I compare her with my exes. I know some men love very underweight girls and sometimes encourage their girlfriends to lose weight, so they could fit that "size zero"-model. I never said anything like that. I always told her how beautiful she is, and that she has a great figure.

I have some doubts about what I can do. I don't think I can force her into a special clinique, unless she one day will pass out or won't be able to stand up on her feet anymore, neither can I take her to a therapist (I don't even know how all this works, as I never knew anybody with an eating disorder before). I was thinking about contacting her parents, but they live abroad and don't really like me much, as they never liked any of her previous boyfriends, but they dislike me even more, because they see me as an evil Westerner who stole their daughter from them. She have been fired from her work and doesn't really have any friends here. And I'm not sure I can take it all alone. I hate the thought of losing her, but maybe it could be better for her to move back to her homeland, so she can be with her family? If I have to choose between my own happinness and her well-being - I'd rather choose the latter.

Is there anybody who was in a similar situation?



Post a Comment