Make Yourself

Emotional Energy Role Models

Emotional Energy Role Models
So I've been absent from the 'Sphere for a short couple of days. My mom is in town to be able to take advantage of the fact that I have two shows running simultaneously for the first time in my career. As she's sleeping on my couch to be able to save on hotel costs, this has meant I have an intense drain on my emotional energy constantly but have been learning a ton about her, my dad, and their early relationship through a couple drunken discussions.

It's also the first time I've interacted with my mom besides phone conversations since taking the red pill.

Needless to say, I've learned a lot.


Specifically - I grew up in a very single mother feminist household without really knowing it. My mother took full advantage of child support, alimony, etc. She had to go and spend 5 years getting her grad degree after marriage to be able to have an income - doing this after after meeting with professionals who would honestly appraise her best options. Thus, she joined the education world as a 5th grade teacher.

She's perfect for wild hamster observation.

She definitely has the 'I don't need a man' argument down pat. Its scary how almost word for word she has it. I had the good luck to be able to listen on about how she loves being single, true to herself, and then how she has started to hate holidays since me and my brother aren't always around for it anymore with me being out of town and him being more apt to spend it with our father. Not having her own mother to be able to spend it with any more finally begins to force the issue home past her hamsters best defenses.

The wall definitely didn't treat her kindly. Nor has she helped herself. She doesn't go to the gym and is stubborn as hell when I, my brother, or her own friends suggest she get a gym membership, do yoga, or atleast bike or run around the park across the street from her house. Nevermind the 20 lbs she's put in the last 6 months since her mom died, she's in a state of great change and should have allowances for things like that. Sure hamster, whatever you say.

My mother will always collect alimony. That is a simple fact. It is written into the divorce laws. Whether you agree with it or not is besides the point. It's an interesting study to see what she spends it on. Most of her non-required spending (food/shelter) is on us kids. The rest of it is on going out to have drinks with her friends.


He hasn't said a damn thing. He lives his life, doesn't complain about her, learned from his first marriage and found a wife that now fits his needs perfectly. I hate her, but she's perfect for him.

He wouldn't say anything about my mother if I didn't ask.

Instead he respects me and my brother enough for us to learn through our experiences and gain our own opinions. He trusts us to do so rationally. I wouldn't have changed my world view based on his info or opinion, but having come to my own I'm able to discuss his views and take them for what they're worth. And they're usually worth a lot.


I actually have talked about this with Olive, but I frequently ran game on my mom as described in this post over at the Chateau. I did this before having the red pill as a form of self preservation, though different from that in the post.

Basically, I'm the most aloof asshole in the world to my mom most of the time. I do this because she frequently invades my space to be able to attach herself to me due to a lack of any other man in her life.

Also, she probably has one of the least amount of filters between thoughts in her head and what she says. Literally if she sees something shiny on the street or someone doing something she doesn't understand. I literally just find myself unable to connect to these thoughts and usually offer silence or a non-commital grunt.

I walk at my own pace, make her keep up or slow down to match it because otherwise she'd get distracted and we'd never get anywhere. I don't offer explanations of how we're getting anywhere because I have no desire to repeat myself endlessly when she keeps forgetting or gets lost in her abysmal mental map. I decide where we go, what we do, where we eat, order for her, and she pays for it all happily.

Lord, this is aloof asshole to its extreme most of the time. But I do commit to conversations I can engage in every time. I will always express happiness and appreciation for the things she does for me. I certainly don't expect her to treat me to the things she does and "actively attempt to lessen the amount of money she spends on me". But when she wants to, I treat it as if she's obligated to do so, express my thanks, and show "as full appreciation for her sacrifices and gifts as I can". I do believe that not getting caught up in the guilt of the gift helps that. I'm also solid rock for her when she needs it - she often will call me because she knows I'll listen to her issues and give her sound advice that is honest.

So, while I doubt I will ever be as extreme with a woman I'm interested with as I am with my mom, there's definitely some great lessons there for me to learn on how to treat women I'm interested in. Not to be tied down to them. To have them show they'll follow me. That they can match the pace I set in life. That they're ok with me listening but not engaging in boring conversation. That they'll have fun and enjoy the ride I take them on.

Future posts - Father as role model

Originally I was going to speak of some revelations I had about my father through talking with my mom - but this post is long enough already. Plus I need some time to let some emotional turmoil settle from some of the drunk conversations I had with my mom.

So, tomorrow or monday night. Enough time to work through it, write about it, and then prepare for a crazy week. My friend, a bro who we've discussed switching wingman roles back and forth since I've taken the red pill, moves to the city and a crazy fun theatre girl comes to visit me while helping him move in. Already talking with them about the crazy shit we're going to be pulling - its going to be a blast.

Filed under: Musings Tagged: alpha, father, feminism, mother, parents, Red Pill



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