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Finding It Difficult To Let Go

Finding It Difficult To Let Go
Hello aunty Eya,I read a post tonight on WC from Folashade about letting go and her dad, and I felt assured to share my story. My story is kind of similar.

We are 5 children from my parents and when I was 8, my mother left Nigeria for

greener pastures as things were really tough for us. My mum continually sent money for fees, feeding and rent for the family but my father never used the money wisely as I was almost always out of school for not paying fees. My 3 older sisters were in uni and boarding school so I had to grow up fast.

The hard part of it was me waking up to take bathing water to my dad's bathroom and find different women in his bed on different occasions. We were the talk of the area coz we bought food on credit and people were always coming to fight and ask for money we owed them.

My mum did everything she could, she sent capital for my dad to start a business and sent the materials but he sold them all and spent the money on women. Eventually my mum got wise and always sent extras to my eldest sister who made sure we never lacked. My mum visited a few times and he pretended we were a happy family. Eventually we all left Nigeria and joined my mum.

All my dad's actions affected my childhood and psychologically still does up till now that I am married to a wonderful man with 2 kids I still have that 10% doubt that things can go pear shaped in my marriage.

We've left Nigeria for 13years now and I still don't really like my dad, even since we relocated he has continued his dirty cheating, selfish ways. Despite him working and earning well my mum still takes care of most of the financial responsibilities because he cannot be bothered.

My dad is on Facebook and just before last Xmas my younger brother who has access to my dads fb account brought to our notice dirty chats he has been having with ladies younger than me that we went to d same secondary school. He is such a mugu that he sends them money, latest phones and even gave them the address of where he just built a house and has pre-planned meetings with them as he is planning to travel soon.

We've all logged into in fb account and can confirm this. My older sisters confronted him n he denied it and also accused my mum of turning us against him.

Last mother's day I went with my kids to my parents to spend time with my mum and my dad opened the door and started cursing me saying I am ganging up with my sisters. I got upset and started reminding him of things I had bottled up since childhood and he started throwing hefty dining table chairs at me and anything he could lay his hands on (I was in my 1st trimester of pregnancy).

My kids were crying as they've never seen their granddad go mad. My mum rushed downstairs from hearing all these and tried to stop him but he pushed her away a few times and I was asked to leave but he won't give me my bunch of keys which had my house keys and car keys. My mum called d police in confusion and when they arrived I told them I'm not pressing any charges and all I want is my keys. I got my keys n left and the already awkward relationship between me and him got worse.

He has stopped talking to all his 5 kids and my siblings are worried he is looking sick, lean, ageing and pale. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2007 then had chemotherapy and about 8months later he was given the all clear.

We are also very worried about my mum coz she is innocent in all these and has been a victim of a suffering marriage for most of her adult life. They live like strangers in the house and only communicate when necessary for many years until now. We think she appears to be strong for us but it affects her as well.

The issue now is my sisters want him to settle things by having a family meeting and each of us saying how we feel but my dad that I know too well will never admit he has done wrong and it will turn to him cursing us like little kids.

The bible says we should honour our and obey our parents so that our days might be long but the same bible says 'fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in d discipline and instructions of the Lord'.

Sorry I forgot to mention that my dad is in his late 60's and for someone who God gave a 2nd chance in life from cancer you'll think he'll appreciate life more and will want to be close to his family in case anything happens to him. I've never known my dad to attend church, pray or even say anything about God. Lastly I've heard people who wished they settled things with a loved one before they passed, one part of me doesn't want to live with that kind of guilt if such happens and another part says I cannot be bothered because I won't miss him.

To be honest if he drops dead today I won't miss him. My mother means the world to me and I am really confused on how we should all move forward. out of 5 of us only 2 are willing to have this meeting and neither does my mum want the meeting. Any ideas please WC fam? Sorry for the very long mail.

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