Make Yourself

Date 5 Dude Aged 36 The Date That Never Was

Date 5 Dude Aged 36 The Date That Never Was
I wanted to update the blog early this week with a little warning as to how one should conduct ones self while online dating, and seeing as it was my birthday this week to share something extra special.

Also I must say that I'm delighted so many of you have got in contact to let me know that you have now signed on to start your own online dating adventure! The sisterhood in me is saying you go girl (and boys!), but the online dating bit of me is saying back off bitch! All in all I'm delighted you've been inspired by the blog. Please continue to email me and let me know how's it's going! I want to know! I'm happy to offer any first date advice! Equally if you have a horror story share! A problem shared is a "problem" avoided by the rest of us!

So how do I get these guys to go on dates with me? Well generally men are easy enough to seduce online, a click here and wink there and they are generally mine. And it helps that I'm 23 in most of my profile pictures. Joking! 25..... You see the thing about online dating is that you can pretty much flirt with anyone and get away with it. It's like I say, have you ever looked at a couple and said to yourself (naturally you'd never dream of saying this out loud) "look at that minger with that babe"? Yeah? I do too and I think to myself I could be that minger. With this is mind I flirt with just about anyone that catches my eye.To be fair I'd say yes to pretty much anyone because you never know do you, and yes I have been blogging about this and not all the guys have been Brad Pitt's, but then I don't blog about all of my dates because there are normal, attractive guys out there and they are just looking for love like everyone else. HOWEVER there are some of the Irish male population that need a realitiy check. Take date 5, the date that never was, even though we didn't go out I wanted to include him as a classic example of what not to do when online dating! Take this conversation for example, I've included translations for you.

Tableforone:Hey there Hunkymeathmanzero, love your profile picture, just thought I'd drop you a mail.(Translation - from your picture you appear to be normal, I could be wrong, I've been wrong before)

Hunkymeathmanzero:how's she cuttin'? (Translation - I'm from the country, I have road frontage and I couldn't think of anything else to say)

Tableforone:Good, what's a guy like you doing in a place like this?(Translation - I want you to think that you're to good for this site and thus massage your ego)

Hunkymeathmanzero:Looking for you of course. I think there's chemistry between us. When I saw your picture I thought there's something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Anyway, hows about we address this issue once and for all and you come on a date with me? (Translation - Is this not the most original and possibily charming thing you've ever heard?)


A date eh? And where would you take me on this date?

(Translation - I can't believe there's nothing on the telly tonight, I wonder do I have anything backed up on the sky plus, was there a programme on the other night about a woman that had her face ripped off by a chimp?)


The evening will begin in the little bar under The International, over in the corner underneath the stuffed pheasant in the dusty glass case. There's something about taxidermy that really gets me going!We'll chat, have a few drinks, you know the usual kinda stuff. Afterwards I want to kiss you passionately on the lips. What do you say we do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. So what do you say? When are you free? Thursday?(Translation - Women love this)


No, sorry not free that night



Friday?(Translation - Ok she clearly has something very important on thursday)


Nope(Translation - When hell freezes over)


Saturday?(Translation - mmmh she's working late)


Nope(Translation - I wish you understood the message I was giving you)

Hunkymeathmanzero:Are you playing hard to get?

(Translation - Oh I read about this, she's playing mind games)


No, that's not it.

(Translation - Where is the block user button again?)

Cheeky things you might say in a pub come across as creepy by email. This kind of email results in being barred from most profiles and guarantees you die alone with a chimp ripping your face off. I'm just saying!



Post a Comment